Plains Talk About Palestine

Apparently some find Jimmy Carter's use of the word "apartheid" in the title of his new book on Palestine inflammatory. Panicked neo-moderates John Conyers, Charlie Rangel, Nancy Pelosi, and Howard Dean have scrambled to distance themselves from the moral leader of their Party quicker than a greased page in the Senate Cloak Room. Maybe Jimmy can send them all party-packs of his peanuts; I hear they work wonders for the spine.

Some excerpts from his book's summary:

Israel’s continued control and colonization of Palestinian land have been the primary obstacles to a comprehensive peace agreement in the Holy Land. In order to perpetuate the occupation, Israeli forces have deprived their unwilling subjects of basic human rights. No objective person could personally observe existing conditions in the West Bank and dispute these statements.

Two other interrelated factors have contributed to the perpetuation of violence and regional upheaval: the condoning of illegal Israeli actions from a submissive White House and U.S. Congress during recent years, and the deference with which other international leaders permit this unofficial U.S. policy in the Middle East to prevail. There are constant and vehement political and media debates in Israel concerning its policies in the West Bank, but because of powerful political, economic, and religious forces in the United States, Israeli government decisions are rarely questioned or condemned, voices from Jerusalem dominate in our media, and most American citizens are unaware of circumstances in the occupied territories.

The United States has used its U.N. Security Council veto more than forty times to block resolutions critical of Israel. Some of these vetoes have brought international discredit on the United States, and there is little doubt that the lack of a persistent effort to resolve the Palestinian issue is a major source of anti-American sentiment and terrorist activity throughout the Middle East and the Islamic world.

Texans in Vietnam: A Brief History

When I heard Fearless Leader say that the main lesson of Vietnam (the host country of his comment, mind you) for the Iraq War was that "we'll succeed unless we quit", I immediately wanted to post a comment. However, I was confident that Keith Olbermann would one-up me, hence laziness prevailed.

Substitute "retreat" for "quit", and you've got Olbermann's best "Special Comment" ever, methinks.

Tastes Like Surrender

Le beau de Tits, this has been your finest hour.



"Tomorrow, you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags."

GOP Haggard

This is like watching the Hypocrisy Olympics: first, Mark Foley smashes the old record, then before the dust even settles, a new mark is set that makes Elmer Gantry looks like a country preacher. Actually, Elmer Gantry was a country preacher, and so is the Rev. Ted Haggard, whose country parish is 30 million strong. Apparently Rev. Haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals, has been finding time over the past two years between his weekly White House strategy meetings and his campaigning against gay marriage to have regular trysts with a gay prostitute who doubled as his meth dealer.

Foley self-immolated in a spectacular eruption of confession and then vanished in its plume of smoke, but Haggard's wants to celebrate in the end zone, prolonging the exquisite agony of his political seppuku by fessing up piecemeal.

John Kerry's reaction to this breaking story, muttered from the dark basement lab where Democratic operatives have sequestered him until after the election: "Pinch me."

Note to Sen. Kerry: just because Haggard has diverted attention away from your not-so-swift remark about US soldiers in Iraq doesn't mean you ever, ever get to think about running for President again.

Franks for the Memories

Denied at our first attempt to enter Chicago's holiest shrine of encased meats, our plucky pod of pilgrims (including spiritual advisors B.A. and Rev. Jack) finally made it to the Promised Stand yesterday: Hot Doug's. What other hot dog hut requires an entrance with two vestibules because of the constant line out the door? Where else can you order a "Saucisse de Toulouse with Blood Orange Mustard Cream and Fromage Chaume"? New Yorkers even thinking about challenging Chicago's frank supremacy are herewith invited to fuggetaboudit.

Sysm and I split an order of Bacon and Cheddar Elk Sausage and Roasted Apple and Cherry Pork Sausage.

I'm still smiling, and I have both hands on the keyboard, I swear.